Sorry Quinn. I ran out of hands.

BATH TIME WITH YOUR KID IS ONE OF THE FEW TIMES WHEN YOU'RE BASICALLY BOTH A KID

“ANY DAY NOW, EH?” THINGS YOU DON’T SAY TO PREGNANT WOMEN.

GETTING A TODDLER TO EAT WHAT YOU/YOUR SPOUSE MADE FOR THEM IS A GREAT IDEA FOR AN OLYMPIC EVENT. THEY CAN AWARD MEDALS BASED ON THE FASTEST TO GET THEIR KID TO EAT A BITE WITHOUT THROWING THE FORK ON THE GROUND. THE EVENT WILL BE CALLED "FORK YOU DAD

I THINK MY SON, IN GENERAL, THINKS A GROCERY STORE IS A GIANT PLAYROOM THAT OTHER PEOPLE JUST HAPPEN TO BE IN. SO WHEN HE, PERHAPS, KNOCKS A BOTTLE OF GATORADE ON THE GROUND AND BREAKS THE CAP SO IT DUMPS OUT AND HE FLEES THE SCENE LEAVING ME STANDING THERE IN A PUDDLE OF ARCTIC BLAST, IT'S MOSTLY BECAUSE THERE ARE NO RULES IN THE GIANT PLAYROOM IN HIS HEAD.

I used to love naps in college. I think I love naps more now. When other people take them.

Building IKEA shelving today. So I guess my first resolution is not starting a drinking problem.

 can't remember the last time I woke up naturally. My son decides when it's time like an overeager, underage grandfather clock. Where was he when I was oversleeping class in college? On second thought, if he was there I'd have much bigger issues than promptness.

Pregnancy: A time when men drop "cervix" into a conversation despite not knowing what one looks like.